Soul Mates & Sopaipillas

A mellow evening welcomes us as the sun sets slowly over the Sandia Mountains. We're winding our way through Old Town Albuquerque toward one of our favorite restaurants, Monica's El Portal. We're in search of some delicious oxymoronic food: Old New Mexican.

The byway is busy with peds like us: The chatter of children is everywhere, mostly in Spanish. We window-shop --- pottery and beads, turquoise and silver, images and icons. Hand-crafted by artisans and reasonably priced; our slender sales resistance weakens and wanes. Eventually we reach Monica's, seat ourselves by a window with lace curtains, and wait for our first basket of fresh chips. You can have any salsa you'd like, as long as it's Monica's. It's hot, about an 8 on a fire scale of 10, yet you can still taste the delicate edge of cilantro.

We nosh on chips and salsa (complementary), carne adovado (a house specialty), frijoles refritos (crispy out, soft in), and sopaipillas (five of them, all complementary, perched next to a squeeze bottle of honey). Our total indulgence, including tip, will run about $20 this evening. We'll be sated and stuffed as we wander back through Old Town after dinner.

Soul-mates. That's what we are this evening, as a perfect fall day in New Mexico yields gradually to the risen moon. Sharply outlined peaks tower over us. The chatter of children has moved indoors, now joined by the clink of dinner dishes. We are lazy and well-fed with no schedule to keep, thirty years together and much in love. Why did we approach our grandparenting years before figuring out life/work balance? Are we slow learners?

We have another book releasing soon, "The Soul-Mate Marriage," and we'll be busy promoting it, traveling to speak and work, but that is for another day. Tonight we are merely soul-mates, not authors or speakers. Tonight we are full up on sopaipillas, carbed out on comfort food and feelin' no pain. Nondescript and anonymous, we are just two more tourists here.

But tonight, if we could be anywhere on earth, it would be just down the street from Monica's El Portal, talking softly and walking side-by-side through Old Town. We linger, savor, sample, stop, celebrate. Far up above --- la luna, semi-circular and self-satisfied, whispers to us and we can almost hear it.

Goodnight, moon.

(This encore edition post originally published in October, 2008.)

400 Weddings & My Funeral

After I die, someone will discover among my personal effects this item: a small wooden plaque with a brass plate. The plaque congratulates “Dave & Lisa Frisbie” for exploring all 65 Minnesota State Parks. My wife and I earned that plaque over a ten year time span from 1990 to 2000, purchasing a passport from the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources, then having that passport stamped and validated as we camped and hiked our way through Minnesota’s state park system.

We loved that process, and along the way we earned patches, badges and I believe also a baseball cap. The culmination (if you explored every single state park) was the aforementioned plaque. That plaque doesn’t matter to any living persons except Lisa and I --- for us, it has a value that is beyond priceless. Instantly, that little plaque reminds us of our lakeside campsite at Father Hennepin, our hikes along the shores of Lake Superior, and an early August snowfall as we tent-camped near Fergus Falls. That little wooden plaque on the wall holds a decade of happy memories for us: We love camping!

The plaque represents a milestone in our lives together. In much the same way, we celebrated a major milestone recently as I performed my 400^th wedding. Far from being “just a number” every wedding I’ve shared in has been designed as uniquely personal, about the bride and the groom, never a generic or standard service. Each wedding has been personalized and meaningful --- at least to us! And for us, reaching 400 weddings is a milestone we treasure.

The bride in this milestone was Abigail Stranz, radiant and beautiful on the day of her wedding. (See photo above left.) I had the privilege of preaching the wedding of Abigail’s parents, Barry and Pam, back in 1983. At that time I was not yet ordained and could not yet legally sign a marriage license. But apparently Barry and Pam thought I could preach: they asked me to do so. They sang to each other, someone else signed the license, and I crafted the best sermon I could think of (literally).

This I did again for Wedding Number 400 --- and every wedding I’ve ever done. I’m sure there are busy little wedding chapels in Las Vegas that do 400 weddings on a summer weekend --- but for me, it’s taken a lifetime of learning and sharing, listening and counseling, speaking and teaching. And although I can’t claim to remember every single detail of every wedding experience, I certainly remember the brides and the grooms and the parents and the relatives and many of the friends. People matter.

Since weddings tend to involve people, weddings end up mattering too. I loved doing Wedding # 400 and the next few are already getting scheduled. If I die before Wedding Number 401, no worries. You can make me a little plaque for my gravesite which reads “He performed 400 weddings” and no one will read it or care, but thank you anyway. Or if you prefer, you can put the following on my tombstone, after you cremate my remains. You can just put “He was my friend.” It will be a true statement.

Season's End: The Promise of New Beginnings

Winter whispers in the late summer wind, even in Southern California. The cool breeze chases teens into hoodies, adults into jackets, swimmers into street clothes. Summer is winding down; we are moving toward a season's end.

Farewell whispers in the late Sunday afternoon, even on Mission Bay. Nostalgia chases teens into chatter, adults into cherished memories, parents into quiet tears. Child-raising is winding down; we are moving toward a season's end.

Frank brings barbecue and waits patiently for a new heart. Melvin brings a devotional message, reminding us all that better days are ahead. Sam mixes bass and percussion while he sings and strums, solos and syncopates. Pat mixes with her guests, orchestrates a sumptuous feast, and charms us all.

Analicia -- she of the soon departure -- is at the center of it. Such a rare vocal talent. The same crystal quality of voice that graces Norah Jones, Sara Groves, or Corinne Bailey Rae. Fluid and resonant and ever more confident, relaxed into the rhythms of her father's smooth and professional arrangements.

Analicia -- she of the plays and musicals -- is at the center of it. Such an accomplished actress. Capable of stealing the show or nailing a supporting role. She moves on to Westmont to pursue drama and music; the Designer's good purposes are evident in her.

A season is winding down but for now: What a concert! Passers-by -- arrested by the voice and the confidence and the grace and the band -- stop and listen, frozen on the spot. Strollers wheel to a stop. Conversations cease. The dog can be walked later. Crown Point is not often a venue for concerts of this caliber.

We gather as friends and family, neighbors and supporters, an intergenerational and multicultural mix of people that feels more like heaven than earth. Smiles and songs, beans and rice, hot links and cold drinks. Those who were strangers five minutes ago are connecting at a deep heart level. Children run in and out, laughing out loud.

Gradually the sun arcs lower; the wind's whisper seems more insistent. Across the park, the bay sparkles quietly. For Sam and Pat, a labor of love is ending -- their work of raising Analicia is nearly done. Now comes a new season -- an empty nest, visits to campus, a transition from parents to mentors to friends.

These two will make the adjustments with wisdom and strength. Over time they will realize a central truth: They have raised their daughter well. Her talent, her gifts, her heart for God, her heart for others --- these and other qualities were nourished and nurtured and taught and transmitted by two people whose work may be mostly done, but whose influence will endure and thrive.

To Sam and Pat: Well done. To Analicia: We love you and we are proud of you! May your future pathways be illuminated by God's light, God's love, God's truth, God's purposes. The way ahead may seem unknown --- but when you get to the future, you'll find that God is already there.

A Great Morning: Right from the Start

Deep into a summer book tour for "Right from the Start," we awaken in the Midwest, only 2 blocks from a Chick-Fil-A. Rising early, we stroll to our favorite breakfast locale.

We recite our usual orders while the cashier peers at us, scanning us closely. This is unusual: We're a romantic, low-key couple, generally considered non-threatening.

With our order taken, the counter person looks at us and shyly poses a question: "Um....aren't you the Frisbies?"

Busted! Only one of us (cute, female) has showered and dressed for this occasion. The other one (male, taller) has been writing for several hours early this morning. He has not yet showered, not yet shaved, and had no intention of "going out in public." Just walking a few blocks to a remote Chick-Fil-A in the random Midwest.

The cashier awaits our response.

Lisa smiles brightly: "Yes, we are!"

"I knew it!" the cashier beams. She goes on to tell us about a book-signing we did in this city, two years earlier, at a Mardel store. She tells us which book she purchased and she explains how God is using the book to change her life. It's clear that she has interacted with the book's content: She quotes it (us) accurately.

We stand across the counter, amazed by God and His good work. We have no immediate response to this conversation, just shock and awe.

Then the cashier, who is also a manager, smiles and comps our breakfast.

There is pretty much nothing in the world that is better than a Chick-Fil-A breakfast burrito (chicken). Except maybe a breakfast burrito that is free!

Better still: The joy of encountering a reader -- someone whose life is being impacted by God-breathed words that an author or artist helped to create. A reader who took the time to attend a book-signing, took home a book, and then began to read it with an open heart and an inquiring mind.

Two authors begin a random day in the midwest.

God shows up.

"Hi David & Lisa," God seems to say to us.

"Today, breakfast is on Me..."

The 4-Dollar Banquet: Love Within Limits

Do you love her more if you spend $2 million on the bling, or if you drop a quarter in the machine next to the gumballs, and the ring is plastic? Which says “I love you” the loudest?

See – you already know this.

Today is Over-Hyped Day, a holiday that screams “spend money and prove your love.” Perfect day to be rich, so that your emotions really count. As if.

So if you love like Rodeo Drive, but live like the Taco Bell value menu -- a few tips for today, gentlemen:

1) The $4 banquet. This works at Panera Bread, but you can improvise at Caribou or Starbucks or that great little no-name coffee place you both love. Here’s the menu: Two (2) muffies (sliced-off muffin tops), Two (2) waters (not artesian or artisan, just agua), One (1) coffee to share, and a table by the fireplace or over there in the corner. Limited PDA is way okay, but please save the fireworks for after you get a room.

2) The $2 truffle. Many women love chocolate, but don’t want to wear an entire box on their hips or waistline. A single indulgence is better. Most malls have a vendor that will sell you an amazing chocolate truffle (so many flavors, so many choices!) for around $2. Look for a candy store or a chocolate factory and if truffles don’t do it, why not a cupcake? They’re everywhere.

3) The free foot rub. Choose your moment, and rub it like you mean it. Chill dude, and let her decide whether it’s foreplay or not. Not everything has to be foreplay, unless you want even more diaper bags around the house? Besides, the best foreplay pays off days later, not just right this minute. Romance is a marathon, not a sprint.

People who spend large sums of money are often over-compensating for something. Or maybe they’re just stinking rich, God bless them.

If you’ve just had an amazing year, income-wise, and you want to bling her out --- please do. But if you’re between opportunities or currently under-employed, no worries. Get off the computer and answer the real call of duty, okay?

Elevator Music

Both of us grew up in musical homes, surrounded by classical masterpieces, timeless hymns and occasional bursts of jazz. Both of us learned the value of music at an early age -- thanks to parents who enrolled us in weekly piano lessons without our consent! :)

Today music is essential to our life together -- woven tightly into fabric of our daily lives. Right now we're listening to James Taylor and Carole King, in their recent concert at the Troubadour up in Los Angeles, from the CD/DVD combo of the concert. These two make beautiful music together! We're lovin' it.

Meanwhile, here are three valuable music lessons for today:

1) Elevate Your Mood. Music is a powerful mood enhancer, no drugs required. Try a little music therapy the next time you're struggling with seasonal affective disorder (or you're just plain tired of winter). Good music makes life better!

2) Elevate Your Game. Whatever you want to do well --- practice constantly. There is no substitute for practice! Great reputations do not win football games, bring a Carnegie Hall audience to its feet, or sell more books. What succeeds is greatness itself --- and to become great, there is only one pathway. More practice.

3) Elevate Your Friends. Sorry to post you this memo, but life is not about you. All around you today are people who could use a word of encouragement, a short but amusing text message, or an actual phone call. (Tech note: Some cell phones are equipped with voice features. Ask your carrier.) Life is better when you share the journey with others -- focus on serving and helping someone today.