Learning to Grow Up

We tend to view parenting as our chance to mold and shape young lives.
We look at parenting as the task of teaching our children, training them to make wise choices, and helping to form good character within them. There is much truth in this common understanding of our role.

Yet another truth is also at work here. Parenting changes us. Raising a child scratches and dents our theology, scuffs and scrapes our self-image, and drags us out toward the deeper end of the pool, whether we’re ready to go there or not. Parenting helps us grow up.

Lisa and I recently spent three years learning from single parents while researching and writing our new book, Raising Great Kids on Your Own. We sat down with single moms and dads across North America and in many parts of Europe and Asia. We listened to them, learning about their struggles and also their strengths. Across differences of age, race, culture and worldview, we simply asked these parents: “What’s working? Have you found a way to make a difference?”

Our friend Molly didn’t plan to be pregnant at 16. Faced with difficult possibilities, she made a courageous moral decision: she chose to let her baby live. That complex and intentional act led to another tough choice: she decided to keep her child and raise it herself.

Molly was not alone, of course. Molly’s mom was available and willing to help. Molly had brothers nearby who would pitch in as often as possible. She had some friends at church, caring adults in a small community of faith that genuinely wanted to help if they could.

Six years after giving birth, Molly is one of the wisest people we know. She has learned to delay gratification, to make painful and difficult sacrifices, and to look out for someone else’s good, not just for her own. Our world is full of 40- and 50-year-olds who are not as wise as Molly is; they have advanced in age without moving forward toward personal maturity.

Molly grew up by raising her child. Torn between having fun and doing the hard work of parenting, she didn’t always choose the work. Yet as she watched the consequences of her own choices and as the miracle of childhood unfolded literally before her eyes, Molly realized that the meaningful things in life often require sacrifice, self-control, and generosity of spirit.

While her friends were playing, Molly was praying. She asked God for wisdom as she tried to shape and mold the thoughts and actions of her daughter. Meanwhile, as Molly raised a bright and inquisitive little girl, Molly herself moved consistently and powerfully toward maturity.

Parenting grows us up. We can divorce our partners, change jobs, and leave the state. We can walk away from our debts, ignore our commitments and choose to avoid reality, partying until we drop. But if we stick around and do the hard work of parenting, whether we’re single or in a committed relationship, a funny thing starts to happen. While we are raising a child, we ourselves are learning, growing, changing and becoming better adults.

More info here:
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?event=AFF&p=1137294&item_no=919414