TURNING THIRTY

If we all popped out of the womb as unselfish people, marriage would be easy.

Instead, at least since Adam’s apple, we tend to be born doing a bad cover of the classic Sinatra tune: “I want it MYYYYYYYY way…………”

This makes marriage difficult.

In a couple of weeks our marriage turns thirty. As if --- we got married five years ago, maybe ten. We’re what, maybe late 20’s ourselves? We can’t possibly have been married for almost…..three…..decades.

Life is strange.

But marriage, which started out difficult, has gotten sweeter, closer, much more fulfilling, and in every way better. We fail, we fall short, we make mistakes, but we are saints-in-progress (and Lisa is making more progress than her partner).

Most of that progress can be described by Bonhoeffer, who talked about the primary invitation of Christianity as being “come and die.” He didn’t refer to a physical martyrdom (although he himself died opposing the evil of Hitler). Instead, Bonhoeffer referred to the death of selfishness; dying to “my way.”

That kind of death is absolutely life-giving in marriage.

After two or three years of struggle and challenge, Lisa and I somehow began to find our groove (obscure 70’s reference, forgive us, we married in ’78) as a couple. We each began to make genuine sacrifices for the other, bending our wills when it mattered, not just when we didn’t care or didn’t have an opinion.

We also began praying for each other while with each other. That daily bond and connection in prayer --- praying for each other, with each other --- is a principle we have taught to other couples also. It’s the number one source of relational glue for committed marriages. It builds a love that covers a multitude of sins.

Selfishness divides, but prayer unites.

It’s more than a bit surreal to watch our union turn thirty.

We’re planning to drive up the coast, hang out in Carmel (where it all began) and just generally celebrate our anniversary. There’s nothing we need to “accomplish” or “complete” or “achieve.” Well, maybe we'll try for a nice tan...

Mostly, we just want to thank God for thirty years together. We want to renew our commitment to him and to each other. We want to keep on dying (to self) so that our relationship can keep on living and growing, moving forward.

See you in another thirty, God willing…