The Seasons of a Great Marriage

The youngest couple we've met was married almost 70 years. Only death separated them, and then not for long. They're in heaven now, most likely driving a classic car to the malt shop for yet another date night!

These two loved each other and everyone within their GPS area knew about it. Their love was genuine and authentic, fresh and real. You could listen forever and never hear either of them complain about or criticize their life partner. However, you could hear them compliment each other all day long! They never ran out of positive, encouraging things to say about each other.

Well into their 80's and still young in every way, they celebrated their wedding anniversary by going to Alaska. They stayed in a fabulous hotel in Anchorage, charming the staff and other guests with their infectious good humor and deeply romantic relationship. When the hotel found out that it was their 67th wedding anniversary, the General Manager decided to comp their entire stay.

Ray and Wilma Bridges were exceptional people, but the pattern they left behind can be followed by any married couple. Love each other well, speak positively about each other always, keep having new adventures, keep learning new things. This couple never slowed down and never stopped: Death had to catch them on the run! And as believers already realize, even death is temporary.

Autumn is a great season to get outdoors, spend some time together, go on a hike. You don't have to spend money (and who has any?) all you need is the desire to be together and a place to get away. Trample around in a pumpkin patch or wander through an apple orchard. Take a horseback ride or let a tractor pull you on an old-fashioned hayride. Have it your way --- but get it done.

Be the kind of couple that would make Ray & Wilma smile if they saw you....

Sunday @ Steamers

Steamers Jazz Club is a Fullerton fixture and a staple of the SoCal jazz scene. Today it fills to overflowing; the crowd spills out into the sidewalks and onto the streets. Busy servers fill plates with appetizers and take orders from new arrivals.

Daniel St. Marseille is here to perform -- he's in this place often; he proposed to his wife here a decade or more ago. Today is ostensibly a graduate-level recital for a Cal State Fullerton degree, so Dan has gathered the masters, young and old, for an afternoon of sublime sound and good-natured competition.

A half-dozen pieces, three of them composed by St. Marseille, fill a bustling club with inspired improv: keyboard battles trombone, guitar mocks piano, soprano sax mixes it up with everyone. Tom Hynes on guitar nearly steals the show in the final number; yet every other musician matches his level of excellence, each on his own instrument. Today, Hynes is on fire: He is absolutely ablaze.

For this listener (and from an informal survey of surrounding tables) the sentimental favorite today is "Emily" -- a Johnny Mandel tune sung by Julie Andrews in the title role of 1964's "The Americanization of Emily." Since then Frank Sinatra and Tony Bennett have made it their own, but today it belongs entirely to a lone saxophonist, standing center stage and waving off the band for a bluesy, soulful solo. Not that we don't love improv --- such creative noise, and so much of it! --- but in "Emily" we find today's center (and we can usually locate the melody line too).

The band beautifully deconstructs "Speak Low" early in the set. A Kurt Weill piece composed for musical theater, the song has been covered by almost everyone. Today the original is systematically taken apart, then joyously reassembled in several new ways, by a sax teacher and graduate student, together with his hand-picked cohorts -- each at the top of his (sorry gals, the musicians were male today) game.

A word about these cohorts: The aforementioned Hynes kicks the walls out on guitar. Both Chris Dawson and Ryan Pryor dispense sheer excellence via the keyboard, each in an entirely different form. Pryor is simple, soulful, sardonic --- Dawson swings samba and riffs majestically on 3-piece combo interludes. Roger Shew lays down the bass with masterful authority: Is he the best bass in SoCal? Today's performance argues yes. Joey Sellers takes a trombone where it hasn't gone before (through the roof) and brings the house down in the process. Thomas White caresses the percussion with meticulous consistency: the epitome of cool. And on the final number, Jonathan Rowden riffs an impressive alto sax line as Maestro St. Marseille opts for soprano. The full band, in full voice, closes out "Ka Leo" (a St. Marseille composition) with a playful freedom that displays not only great confidence, but also much purity of form. Yet today, in the final analysis, belongs to the man who gathers all these talents together in one place, for one purpose, then directs their genius into full view. That man, noticeably more relaxed after each amazing piece concludes well, is Dan St. Marseille.

Mr. St. Marseille, you have graduated. You earned a PhD. from this listener and from each of the six or seven tables in every direction nearby. Don the robe and square off the cap: You're the new master!

Keep track of what's happening in this busy jazz venue (http://www.steamersjazz.com/) and keep an eye on the future of composer and musician Dan St. Marseille, plus a rising sax star in Jonathan Rowden, and each other member of today's crew. Live musical performance, much like sessions in the recording studio, is a continuous mix-and-match of players and skills, friends and cohorts, instruments and genres. Today St. Marseilles shows us inventive compositions, impressive arrangements, and bulletproof skills on the sax. All that, plus a knack for surrounding himself with first-rate talent. Sheer genius, and an afternoon well spent.

I Am Dying Like An Angel....

Exactly one century ago today, Macedonia gave our tired little globe one of its greater gifts. In the village of Skopje, two Albanian parents celebrated the birth of Agnes Gonxha Bojakhiu. How could they have known that this tiny baby would one day become a venerated nun, a helper to many, an example to all...

Today is the 100th anniversary of Mother Teresa's birth. Working at first by herself, then with the help of dedicated others, Mother Teresa began relentlessly caring for "the least of these" --- those who were dying in the back alleys of urban Calcutta. She opened a hospice unit, called Pure Heart, and simply cared for those who were dying, alone and forgotten, too poor to receive help.

One dying man, resting in the arms of this beloved nun, famously told her "I have lived like an animal, but now I am dying like an angel..." His experience was shared by thousands of others who were treated with dignity, receiving genuine love from caregivers motivated only by a desire to serve Christ.

In the name of religion, many mistakes have been made in the past. We can be certain that more mistakes are ahead in the future. Yet set against the backdrop of greed, politics, legalism, self-righteousness --- and other sins of religion --- at times one encounters the true life of faith, being lived simply and honorably.

Mother Teresa's life reminds us of this. Parents giving birth today, 100 years later, may hope their daughter grows up to become a CEO, or their son an electrical engineer. These are noble aspirations to be sure. But what if a parent, cradling a newborn on this day, simply breathed the hope that this new son or daughter would grow up to emulate Mother Teresa, who herself emulated Christ by taking up the basin and the towel, and serving others....

In Loving Memory: Thomas R. Perry

When a man of integrity passes, his life is celebrated by those who were inspired, mentored and blessed by his example.

Thomas R. Perry of Smithville, Missouri was such a man. All who knew him were immediately aware of his faith in God and his love for his family. Tom's faith and love were authentic and genuine: this man was not fake or phony or fraudulent: He was real.

Tom's passion for aviation led to a long career as an instrument mechanic for Trans World Airlines (later American). His collection of transportation memorabilia led him to found the TWA Museum in Kansas City, where artifacts from flight history are on display.

He was buried with full military honors near his farm in Smithville. Tom served his country during the Korean conflict and was a strong supporter of military families and all those who sacrifice for the cause of freedom.

In the photo at left, Tom is making a batch of his world-famous chili, a staple at family gatherings for three generations. He was quick to laugh, always ready with a story. Tom was noted for finding a new gadget or buying a perfect gag gift for friends.

Tom Perry saw the best in people; consequently he brought out the best in all those who knew him. He is survived by wife Kathleen, three adult children and their spouses, and nine beloved grandchildren. In addition his extended family and his friends remember him with fondness.

All of us who knew Tom are permanently impacted by his life. His faith in God and his love for family remain as a shining example, set before us to lead us in the right directions.

E pili mau na pomaika'i me 'oe

E pili mau na pomaika'i me 'oe

As the sun slips softly behind the chiseled slopes of Diamond Head, two friends make gentle promises on a Kahala beach.

These two dated in college, yet each eventually married someone else. Nearly five decades later, each having survived the death of their original partner, they hold hands as they quietly form a new union.

A handful of friends stand watch. Former students, current Sunday School class members, a sister. The loving circle offers affirmation and blessings as the early evening sun frolics in frothy waves behind the bridal pair.

E pili mau na pomaika'i me 'oe

Scriptures and praying, pledges and repeating: Troth plighted and pledges made. Is it simply the passing of time that makes these words sweeter, or is it the shared history, all those years ago, when younger hearts could not have foreseen this autumnal blessing?

There are moments when less experienced persons speak these vows, and you find yourself wondering “Do they even understand what they’re promising?” Today, surrounded by the richness of deeply ripened relationships, it is evident that both bride and groom speak words of carefully chosen, deliberately purposed intent.

This is not an accidental union. We are awed by it, a tangible tingling that slips in somehow between the Scriptures and the prayers, the pledging and the plighting.

Perhaps the groom’s former student and the ceremony’s ‘Best Man’ captures it perfectly for all of us as witnesses. “God Hides in Plain Sight,” Dean Nelson suggests. Hand-in-hand on the beach, a small circle of friends is surprised by joy. This evening on the sands of Oahu’s southern shore, the One who loves us is not in hiding. We bow in reverence, welcoming and accepting the Divine embrace.

Holiday Traditions

For the fifth year in a row, Northwestern Bookstores invited us to Minnesota to do some holiday book-signing events for them. This year they hosted us in three different stores over a brisk December weekend in the Twin Cities.

Setting up on a frosty Saturday morning (see photo) we had no idea what to expect. Yet once again, Minnesotans proved among the friendliest and most supportive people on this little blue planet. Once again we were busy at all three stores, meeting new people and connecting with lifelong friends.

So many blessings! Martin dropping by when we were busy in Woodbury, seeing a crowd at our table. His response? He disappeared briefly, then came back with coffee and muffins for us --- just exactly the boost we needed (caffeine is one of our key food groups) on a long afternoon. Where do such friends come from? Thank you, Martin --- We are unworthy.

Andrea the world-traveler. Off to Brazil for the holidays, but she drove from Minneapolis over to the far side of St. Paul, stopping by our book table to catch up. She's finishing up an M.B.A. --- Watch out, world! Her intellect and energy will bless all her future employers.

Alyssa and Andrew, newly engaged. Correction: Newly betrothed. We tried to discern the difference. Andrew's take on it? "If I was engaged, I could still back out of it. When I'm betrothed, that means I have to follow through and get married. I'm already committed." Their radiant smiles brightened our bookmarks and gladdened our hearts!

Molly with daughter Patty. Molly is one of the smartest and best single moms we've met along our journey. She's building a career in law enforcement and currently applying to join the force in a nearby Minnesota community. Note to that community: HIRE HER. Molly is bright, honest, hard-working, and very wise.

Rachel whose marriage is featured in the intro of our book "The Soul-Mate Marriage." Busy raising two great kids, Rachel got up early on a Saturday morning and drove many miles to see us. We've known her since before the marriage, before the kids, before so much of life.

Our good friend Naomi with two adopted sons, launching a career in social work. Naomi, we are so proud of you! Paul and Pauline, married these many years, looking young and energetic as always. Trent and Melissa, Michael and Alice, Curt and Lori --- all these and more. What a blessing to connect with each one of you. Here's a hint: It's not about the books, it's about continuing our lifelong friendship with you and your families.

Rising well before dawn to meet a looming deadline, there are moments when writing can be a lonely profession. Is anybody out there? Will anyone read these words? After a busy weekend meeting readers old and new, we are refreshed, renewed, encouraged. As long as God gives us breath, we'll do our best to help marriages be stronger, families be healthier, parents be less stressed and more successful.

We'll keep writing --- and we'll keep being grateful when people show up to say thanks. Speaking of thanks --- our thanks to the good people of Northwestern Bookstores for creating such a fun holiday tradition. We are grateful!

From the journey ----- 2 writers.

Enchanted Evening

Two musicians meet in a freshened sanctuary. He waits at the top of the aisle; she joins him after a quiet procession with Bride’s Dad along a rose-strewn aisle.

Eighteen of their closest friends fan out across the platform in muted greens and classic black. Groom’s Dad sings a blessing from his perch at the piano. A choir from Azusa Pacific University intones a marvelous Eric Whitacre composition.

Ministers minister, vows exchange, a ring surprises.

Will you? We will. And they mean it.

On to Old Towne, where so many Arts+Crafts homes line quiet streets designed a century ago. Out behind the French Estate, Mishavonna will sing – overflowing with the same talent and poise we witnessed so remarkably on American Idol – sans Simon.

The back-lawn buffet group is all smiles, quiet laughter, meaningful toasts. Sliced beef and sauced chicken, poured wine and decanted cider, a towering cake topped by the kneeling Batman and his chosen Belle.

If life is not entirely a journey through the rose petals, at least it can be launched amid mentors and ministers, sisters and fathers, grandparents and aunts, cousins and roommates. Hard times may come, but on this enchanted evening we ward them away with full glasses and plentiful plates.

Jonathan and Rachyl, we are here for you. Not just tonight, but always.